This Has To Be Good, Because The Blog Critic Man Might Be Reading This Right NOW

So, in another attempt to becoming wildly internet-famous within three months (yes, I have recently set a time limit), I decided to try to become apart of Blogcritics- a site that I stumbled upon after googling "myspace sucks" and finding a wonderful article on that exact subject. I e-mailed the Blog Man about five minutes ago, and I wish I would have been blessed with patience.

On the bright side, the number of people who view my profile has made a 700% increase in just the past twenty-four hours. (I am not lying, 4 to 32.) Which means that I will have you all soon. Very, very soon.

In other news, I have devised a wonderful plan to bring Atoosa down...

Attack her from the inside.

I don't know why I didn't before. It's too simple. Here's how it works: I will go on seventeen.com, and I will write fabricated stories and submit them like crazy under an alias named Morgan Jackson.


By submitting your comments here, you agree that your story will be truthful and will not defame or invade the privacy rights of any third party.

...heh heh heh... (Pirate Val rubs her hands together devilishly as she ignores the above message and types the following lie to Atoosa Rubenstein)

"My sister is seventeen and drives me around a lot as long as I wash her car once a week. Well, it was winter, and when I wear long pants for an entire season- I usually don't shave my legs. I don't like getting the bottoms of my jeans wet when I wash her car so I rolled them up to my knee, exposing my cave-man hairiness. When I was half-way done with washing my sister's car in our driveway, I noticed Brett and Chase (the two hottest guys in my grade) riding their bikes over to me. I put down my sponge and went over to them- thrilled by my luck. During my conversation with them that was going really well, I noticed Brett look down at my legs as his eyes widened in horror. Mortified, I didn't know what to do besides run away back into my house. The kids at school called me Chewbacca for six months." -Morgan Jackson, 15, Georgetown TX

Now you may ask, "But why, Pirate Val? This clever piece of work sounds identical to what they actually publish. How is that destroying Atoosa?"

And I answer with this: Because I will know that it is not real. And I will know that if this gets published, it means that Atoosa has been fooled.

And if Atoosa is fooled- than that brings me one step closer to destroying her.