They All Think They're Related To Me

As I mentioned before, when I moved to Italy I convinced some family that I was their granddaughter/cousin/niece, and they bought it, because I am a very gifted actress.

I figure it is time to shed the light on these ex-circus creatures:

My "Aunt" Cosetta: She is only five years older than me. We share a room, consequently. At the family restaurant she serves as the main bartender. She serves alcohol to 12-year-olds.

My "Uncle" Dre: Manages the family restaurant. He also co-owns the family's tattoo and piercing studio. There are about 4 square inches on his body that are not covered with ink or metal things. Many children run away from him on a daily basis.

My "Grandfather" Nonno: If you comment on the weather, he'll somehow manage to lecture you on global warming and what a scam it is. This lecture lasts about 25 minutes.

My "Grandmother" Nonna: She cooks for the family restaurant. She is amazing. When she tries to say "tooth", it comes out like "too".

My "Cousin" Alex: Works as a waiter at the family restaurant. Thinks every girl is in love with him. But they aren't. They told me. He spends all of his earnings on prostitutes as a result.

My "Uncle" Rocky: Oldest out of the seven children. Just turned 41, just got married to a blonde haired Texas gal named Michelle who is the most annoying person ever. There will be many entries based on my hatred towards her.

*Naturally, because this is an Italian family, there are a lot more people involved. But these were the only ones that I felt were necessary at this point.